Yes, her, of course.
Plenty of things set her apart, but what really caught my eye was the colour of hers, a blue that can only be seen in the purest of waters, because it’s a reflection of Heaven, and don’t get me wrong, everything else about her was just perfect, but what makes me falling in Love with her every day is always those eyes. I saw her first from the back, she was lying on her side on the grass, a dozen meters away from the path we were taking, she was with some friends I guess, but in any case I had come there for the alley with the big oaks, birds liked to be there, and I’ve found that it can be an excellent place to remind me of the good things in Life.
Is this your dog, she asks, and this catches me a bit by surprise since I had my eyes closed while listening to the birdsong, why, yes it is - I like his coat, pitch black, there’s nothing like a dog with a fluffy dark coat - I like it as well except when you are going through shedding season, that can be quite intense to deal on your own - maybe you need help - yeah help would be good. What’s really funny was that even though you could clearly see that she was interested in something, I couldn’t tell at first what it was, it wasn’t necessarily the dog even though her interest in Czarny seemed genuine, but it also wasn’t me she was interested in even though I could tell she didn’t find me repulsive and that’s already half the battle won.
One thing lead to another and we start talking about this and that, nothing too serious, nothing too boring as well, just prospective, as if we were in a dance and the main movement hadn’t started yet, and days go by, and weeks do as well, and whithout us nothing we’re living together, neither of us had noticed, only Czarny did because now he had someone else to go on walks with him, even if most of the time we’d go together. It’s really hard to describe those times, because everything really fell into place, all the priorities aligned, all perfectly effortless, as if there was nothing left to do, and I hadn’t even thought about it in a long while, all of that was just like a very distant memory, not particularly vivid even.
So I was a little bit surprised when she brought it up, which I guess was inevitable, because during all those blissful months, it seems like my brain, or more likely my soul, ignored all the obvious signs that it was expanding, like how people would be talking all the time to their phones, and how they all started to talk in a manner that was extremely reminiscent of it, and that’s the hardest thing to notice if you’re not aware of what it is, and quite hard to put a finger on it even if you do, but the way that people formulate questions, or even how they answer you when you ask them something, it all sounds so alike.
The dreaded question came, have you heard of this app, my friends say that it’s a great way to meet new people - yeah I’ve tried it but I don’t think you should use it, something feels off about it - what do you mean - I doubt that something good will ever come out of it and you should stay away, that’s what I mean - you’re not making any sense - I would tell you more if I could, but what I said is still the truth - what the hell is going on, you can’t say more? Why would that even be the case?
And at that point I had to leave the room, the tension was too much for me to bear, because while it’s true that I hadn’t thought about it in a while, it doesn’t mean that I was indifferent about it, just thinking about it still filled me with dread and a bunch of other not very healthy feelings, and the fact that this is resurfacing just as things were being this good was for sure a signal that the universe needs to be in equilibrium. It was an abomination, and ignoring it would do me and everyone else no good, as we know that sweeping things under the rug isn’t really a long term solution.
For a few days, it seems like the only being that was not mad at me was Czarny, and everyone else was just punishing me for something but I don’t know what it was that I did or didn’t do to deserve such reactions, but the fact that Czarny was the only one acting normally gave me a clue on what this was all about, and probably it wasn’t even the other people, but just me projecting my annoyance to what was happening. I didn’t ask for any of this, and with her in my life I felt like everything was going in the right direction, which seemingly wasn’t true because I was just postponing the inevitable. Fight, flight, or freeze, remember? And clear that I can’t freeze anymore, flight was never in the cards, and I hated when I ran away from my conversation with her a few days ago, and since I now have a better idea of what it is, or at least how it works with humans, I guess to fight became a possibility. But how?
Well, one thing is for certain, which is I can’t deal with it all by myself, and even with Czarny and its skills for identifying those who have succumbed to it, which can be very useful, but it’s not enough, so there’s not really any other choice but involving her in this, and it’s not that I’m afraid for her since I’d never put her in harm’s way, but I’m somewhat nervous about how she’ll react to this, as she’d be the first one I’d talk to about it, there’s very little way of knowing what’s going to happen once I break the news to her, and if I had to guess my own internal workings, I’d say my biggest fear is not that she doesn’t believe, incredulity in this case is not unwarranted, but that she’ll feel like this is somehow not a problem and there’s nothing to be done.
I invite her to the park, to that same faithful place where we met for the first time, and even though she’s still somewhat miffed at me, I knew she couldn’t resist the allure of going for a walk amongst the trees, bless her soul. We sit in a bench, I take a big breath, listen, we have to talk about something important - finally, I was waiting for you to grow a pair and just get on with it, you’ve been acting so strange for the last few days that I barely recognize you anymore - you know, what I’m about to tell you isn’t really easy for either me to say it, and probably won’t be easy for you to digest - stop meandering and tip-toeing around it, and let it rip!
And so I did. I told her everything, from the beginning, how I got roped in, how I found out what was really behind it all, what it meant for me, and what kind of threats they made once I found out, but also what I’ve discovered with regards to how it has been messing with people’s brains, Czarny’s super power, and everything in between. To her credit, she took it like a champ. Seems like I was not the one that was prepared for this conversation, because I clearly couldn’t predict what she was about to tell me.
You’re truly a moron, and for several reasons, the first of which is that, at least about it, you’re not really telling me anything I didn’t know already, and please don’t look so shocked, why do you think you’re so special, did you not think that there were other people that knew already, even you said that they admitted as much during your phone call. And while I never had first hand contact with it, I know a few people that did, and once they told me what was going on, I more or less figured it out on my own without them having to explicitly tell me, because not even they knew what was going on.
Now, the reason why you’re different is not only did you get it to admit to its essence, and you’ve figured out some very interesting effects on your own. For that, I have to give you credit, and I kinda understand now why I was so drawn to you at first, yes, don’t forget that I was the one that went to talk to you, because I reckon if it was up to you we’d still be sitting on that bench listening to the birds singing, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s quite clear that there are now more important things to do. Close your mouth, it’s been agape for quite a while, and let us go home because we have much to do, I have a few ideas on how to bring it all down.
And scheme we did. Now, it took me a bit to get into the mood of fighting, because that’s just not what I’m used to do, but I’ve got to admit that it did feel good to not only letting it all out, but now having a partner in crime, and if some of her ideas do come into fruition, this might become literal. And, God help me, some of the things she came up with were wild, and I’m not surprised because she clearly has that side, but from explosives to terrorism, going through good old chaining yourself to something, it was clear that she had a fertile mind and was properly motivated to finish it off.
There was something missing in all of her plans, because they were only directed at hurting it, as if that was possible, and you couldn’t really be mad at her since it all came from a place of ignorance on how it worked, but unfortunately just burning down a data center won’t really do anything of note besides getting us a lengthy jail stay. In some way, I don’t mind being a martyr, but at least I’d prefer if all the pain that would follow had an effect that was commensurate, and I don’t mean this in any sort of quid pro quo, because that’s impossible to accomplish when you’re talking about it, but rather that it would at least tip the scales in a significant way and let people see it for what it truly was.
There needs to be a way for us to bring light into all this mess, because ultimately it thrives by being on the shadows, and preys on us through our ignorance and willingness to believe in a pantomime that was seemingly made just to damn our souls. But this is easier said than done, don’t forget that our hands are tied due to all that legalese bull crap that I accepted when I joined the app, and who even reads those things, apparently that doesn’t matter in court, which just goes to show how out of touch our laws have become, when something that no one reads can bind them to permanent silence.
And then it hit me. I knew exactly how to do it.